Kid Arrested... For Farting.  

"STUART, Fla. (AP) - A student at a Florida school has been arrested after authorities said he was "passing gas" and turning off his classmates' computers. According to a report released Friday by the Martin County Sheriff's Office, the 13-year-old boy "continually disrupted his classroom environment" by intentionally breaking wind. He then shut off some computers other students were using." - AP, 11/24/08; (Full Story)

In high school, I recall several instances in which students would fight, and receive detention, or threaten an instructor or even vandalize school property, and be suspended for a week or two. Never, at any point in my academic career, was a student scolded, let alone penalized, for a normal bodily function. Despite its intentionality, you'd imagine any other instructor would have, at most, escorted the disruptive student to the Principal's office, and perhaps have them sent home for the day or week after receiving a healthy dose of after-school detention. But no, not in Stuart Florida. They'll immediately resort to the police.

Yes, it's gross, and yes, it's definitely disruptive, but was there no alternative method to dealing with the situation? Are there some facts of this story that we're missing? Did the kid commit these "heinous" crimes while holding the class hostage with automatic weaponry, or perhaps some incredibly complex explosive device? Was he wielding a lighter while threateningly expelling those methane gases? Was he somehow endangering the welfare of the other students? No. He was farting. Perhaps it was the student "shut[ting] off some computers other students were using" that was the last straw. But, really, why did the only reasonable method the teacher could possibly devise involve the police? Is this too many questions for one paragraph?

If I recall correctly, it's a criminal act to call in phony crimes. While I really am quite surprised that the police were contacted in this instance, I'm even more surprised the police willingly went and arrested the kid. At least this 13-year-old will go down as a legend to his peers, as he even managed to make national headline news. Though, it was likely the ridiculous nature of this whole scenario that caused it to become a headline story in the AP news wire anyway.

Nevertheless, I find it simultaneously depressing and hilarious that this was the definitive course of action. Apparently in Stuart Florida, "Flatulence doesn't pay."